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The Crowleymass Cryptocurrency Meme Collection
Memes shall overcome.
"I'm a poet, and I like my lies the way my mother used to make them." - Aleister Crowley, The Book Of Lies
Originally I was going to publish an article about the ways in which cryptocurrency underpins and in fact encourages the expansion of modern day slavery1 in Southeast Asia because that seemed like a great topic with which to ring in the holidays. However I decided that in the interest of appearing at least as credible as your average tech reporter for The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, CNBC, MSNBC, CNN, Bloomberg, Fox News, The New Yorker, The Atlantic, or any of the other failed journalistic enterprises that sold their credibility to Sam Bankman-Fried for cash up front in something resembling the gang bang of a cheap and eager hooker I should instead round up some news more on the level of the “videos of kittens playing with strings” and “isn’t the internet crazy” coverage that passes for actual news on the TV.
Happy holidays and now on to the memes!
Lo, a subscribe button!
It helps to know that Mazars, the “auditors” whose “audits” of the Trump empire were declared fraudulent once they were subjected to even the slightest scrutiny, first offered audits2 of companies like Crypto.com without any actual numbers in them. Kind of daring approach but Mazars has always been a few steps ahead of the curve in the exciting and sexy world of spreadsheets and IRS forms. Six days later Mazars announced they were actually just kidding and would never pretend to “audit” another cryptocurrency company again. They announced it so hard that all the other auditors who weren’t even Mazars also declared they would not audit any cryptocurrency exchanges either, forever and ever, Amen.
Worth mentioning that many people on social media have reactions like this redditor’s when a helpful soul tries to explain to them that being caught lying on the forms a company filed with the government is not really a good thing for a that company’s long term stock price.
Some people may find RandomsDoom’s posts to be sound made up or impossible thoughts for any sane and rational person to think. And that is true. But we’re talking about cryptocurrency investors here.
”The Technology” is of course why 99% of the cryptocurrency “investors” are actually into crypto. The potential for vast riches in exchange for absolutely no actual work is secondary.
Kids these days.
Apparently SBF’s next venture will be a cookbook except instead of delicious food you get to steal billions of dollars. Alameda Research, Sequoia, and all the teacher in the states of Ohio, New York, Florida, Kansas, Kentucky, and Louisiana3 have each thrown in half a billion dollars.
Only slightly different from the actual headlines run by The Wall Street Journal and Washington Post when it was revealed that SBF had stolen $8 billion from poor people in Africa and given the 1% of if that he didn’t steal for himself and his friends to a couple of research scientists.
Is this the real life?
Some people are asking questions.
The truth hurts.
When you make a new blockchain it’s really important to decentralize.
In 2022 a lot of boomers on social media were seen reaching for “rug pull” memes when really what was called for a was a classic “exit liquidity” meme, which was adorable.
Better call Sam.
Watch a dream die in real time as crypto bro broadcasters grapple with the existential crises brought on by the FTXplosion.
Not a meme but absolutely hilarious.
Proving that tragedy and comedy are but two ways of viewing the same set of facts, here’s Minnesota Republican Tom Emmer literally licking now infamous scam artist Sam Bankman-Fried’s boots on the floor on the United States Congress. This is the same Tom Emmer who encouraged the Securities and Exchange Commission to stop burdening Bankman-Fried with so many requests for paperwork.
Kim Jong Elon owned some Bitcoin and DogeCoin in the days before he evolved into Muskolini so we’re going to claim that this award winning historical novel by Chuck Tingle is relevant to this substack.
History may not repeat itself but “dotcom” almost rhymes with “coin” when you think about it really hard.
This one actually isn’t a meme; this is just the advertisement that ran in The New Yorker, Vanity Fair, Vogue, GQ, and other failed journalistic enterprises in August/September in exchange for favorable coverage of SBF’s attempts to raise Mammon from Hell for the holidays. But it’s the funniest thing in here because we now know that SBF had already stolen close to $8 billion dollars of his customers money, many of them poor people in Africa.
That’s all folks! But if you’re looking for last minute gift ideas may I recommend another one of Chuck Tingle’s award winning and best-selling books?
Lo, another subscribe button!
Literally slavery. Watch this space.
No one actually told the teachers they made this investment yet but the people hired by the state to manage their money were in a particularly YOLO kind of mood that day.